And Now for Something Completely Different…
August 11, 2011 § Leave a comment
“The power that holds galaxies together can handle the circumstances of our relatively little lives.”
– Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
During the production of my first feature film, someone in a position of authority called me one day and, screaming in a frenetic tone, told me that I was the “worst producer” she had ever met. I had just turned 30 years old a few weeks earlier, and had succeeded in financing a feature film shot in Arabic and French, commissioned by TV5 and supported by about seven other prestigious Canadian funding bodies, including the Arts Councils of Canada and Quebec, the Canadian International Development Agency and the National Film Board of Canada. And yet, the violence of those words rang throughout my whole body. I believed her.
What is interesting, looking back on it now, is that if someone could have put a microphone up to my brain to broadcast my thoughts, you would have heard pretty much the same thing. When we don’t have confidence in ourselves it’s natural to surround ourselves with people who think the same way about us as we think about ourselves. People in our lives, like other life circumstances, are usually mirrors to our inner world.
In some rare instances, I’ve noticed, someone can arrive into our lives who cares more about us than we care about ourselves. They respect us – our bodies, our boundaries, our money, our opinions, and our talents, even when we don’t respect those things in ourselves. These are transformative relationships, though usually we reject these people because we are uncomfortable with them. The pattern is so different that it comes across as boring, frustrating, annoying, or just confusing. When these people appear in our lives, we can say it is a miracle. We could not have generated this kind of interaction on our own, as it sits outside of our identity and understanding of our lives.
Marianne Williamson writes: “This is why we’re attracted to people who don’t want us. […] They fit perfectly into our ego’s plan: I will not be loved. The reason that nice, available people seem boring to us is because they bust us. The ego equates emotional danger with excitement, and claims that the nice, available person isn’t dangerous enough. The irony is that the opposite is true: available people are the ones who are dangerous, because they confront us with the possibility of real intimacy.”
The next time someone puts you down, notice whether or not you believe them. Are they the source of those thoughts and opinions about yourself, or, actually, are you yourself the source? This could make all the different in your life.